Wednesday, November 30, 2005


Haven't been blogging for some time now because I haven't felt up to it. I'm still not very up to it but I guess there are some things which I want to get off my chest. I've begun to realise that I'm very emotion-ful. Although I may think with my brain but most of the time I act with my emotions. I act how I feel. My face always shows how I'm feeling if you know how to read me right. My face always betrays my feelings and that sucks. That means no poker for me.

Anyway, I realised that when I like someone; it is rather difficult for me to forget about her. It just isn't as easy for me to forget about past feelings as it is for many others. How can you let go of such fond memories and sweet times? I certainly find it difficult to do that. I'm not the "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" type. I'm more of the "miss-you-while-you-are-gone" type. I just really need my brain to control my emotions instead of my heart. I do want to stop caring and thinking but I just can't. I won't call being able to let go easily cold hearted, but I just don't understand how some people can set aside their feelings so easily. It truly amazes me at times.

All I've ever wanted in life was someone to be by my side. Even if it isn't a special girlfriend, a great friend would do. But I don't think I'm so lucky. Maybe its just me but I don't think that eventhough you're honest and sincere to your friends but some friends just don't treat you back the same way. To me, I would never do something that would jeopardise my friendships. It might be paranoia but I don't think it's impossible for a friend to stab me in the back when I least expect it. What can I do when someone I feel that I'm close to tells me that we should only meet up once a fortnight and talk on the phone max 3 times a week?!


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